"This Sh*t is Hard!"

Okay, so that's not a direct quote, actually, but I sometimes suspect it's what my clients are thinking about their life coaching work. What is so hard, anyway, about this stuff?

Being a life coaching client requires that you are ready to take action in your life. It requires that you're ready to commit to finally making the changes it'll take to get what's on the outside of you to match who you are deeply, inside, under all those layers of shoulds and what ifs and ought tos and all that stuff that keeps us small and unempowered. And it requires that, when the going gets tough (because it will), you'll at least consider the idea of "keep going!" In essence, it requires that, once and for all, you radically become your very own best friend, and you treat yourself and your life as such.

I just finished SARK's latest juicy book, Fabulous Friendship Festival, in which the whole first chapter is dedicated to "Self Friendship." Here's an excerpt from page 21:

"Friendship with yourself means that you maintain the relationship, no matter what else happens in your life. Many of us turn away from self-friendship when or if things feel difficult. We might feel or think that being friends with ourselves doesn't provide enough of what we need. It is easy to think that something outside of ourselves might be better, easier or more fun. Or, we might just feel tired of ourselves...Self-friendship requires time and practice. This practice calls for us to be friendly with all the parts of ourselves we might consider ugly or unworthy. (Being 'friendly with all the parts' doesn't mean you need to like it--you just need to feel it.)"

So, how do you know when you've turned away from yourself?

What's the first thing you would do differently today, if you decided to be your very own best friend?

And if you look around your life, when are the times that you abandon yourself? When do you need your self-friendship the most?

I invite you to consider these questions...and not only that, act on them! You are hereby encouraged to not abandon yourself by just thinking about the answers. Do something radical today...do what it takes to start becoming your own best friend!

"Work/Life Balance": A Skewed Perspective!

I've been chewing on this topic for a while now, and part of today's Daily OM finally prompted me to dive in:

"Balance helps us avoid becoming lost in what we enjoy while ensuring that we always have enough mental and physical energy to explore new forms of fulfillment. While we recognize the importance of those concerns that are related to our basic survival and our overall well-being, we also understand that no one activity or obligation can take precedence over another. We are complex beings with complex needs, which means that our health and our wellness is a product of the many different choices we have made during our lifetimes. Dividing our time between areas of focus is the best way to guarantee that we are doing all we can to take care of ourselves in a thorough manner."

So then, if that's true, which I personally believe it is, what's up with the phrase "work/life balance"? That, to me, indicates that in the pie of our lives, work takes up 50% and the rest of life (family, health, fun/recreation, home, hobbies, friends, personal growth, travel, etc.) squeezes into the remaining 50%. How have we gotten so off course?

I think we're entering into the conversation from a skewed perspective when we go through the doorway marked "work/life balance." We are human beings...complex human beings. We require well-roundedness expressed in all facets of our lives in order to truly find balance in our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves. When any one of those areas is neglected, we are out of whack, if not screamingly on the surface than at the very least secretly deep inside. The result? Stress-related dis-ease, failed or ultimately unfulfilling relationships, physical maladies, disconnection from anything "bigger out there," even if, for you, that's simply the rest of humanity.

Susan Jeffers, in her impactful little book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway! has an entire chapter devoted to the question, "How Whole is Your 'Whole Life'?" In it, she introduces a simple nine-block grid that represents a person's life. Each block is labeled with a different area of life, such as hobby, leisure, family, alone time, work, relationship, friends, personal growth, and contribution. When any one of these blocks takes over more than its allotted space, she posits, then it threatens to become our identity. And we then succumb to a "fear of losing" and neediness mentality that can be all-encompassing. So we run around our lives doing everything we can to not lose that job, relationship, etc., to the detriment of the rest of our lives, and probably in a way that isn't in concert with who we'd really like to be. She offers a great seven step process to regain balance, and encourages her readers to "continue to create such richness for yourself that nothing can ever take away your basic sense of completeness. Can you imagine how little you would then have to fear?"

Another tool to determine the current state of balance (or imbalance!) in your life is the "Wheel of Life." It's an easy way to get a birds-eye view of where you might be neglecting an area or two for another, and a starting point for taking corrective action.

However you go about it, I challenge you today to take a hard look at your life. If we stepped into the conversation from the perspective of "whole life balance," what would you need to change? And what would make it worth the effort?

Go for it!!!

What's your body trying to tell you?

Hola! Happy Spring! I hope that applies to you, wherever you live. Here in North Carolina we're experiencing a gorgeous--albeit heavily pollen-and therefore allergy-laden--spring. The leaves are starting to emerge, all the azaleas and dogwood are in full bloom, the daffodils are just gasping their last bright sighs for the year, and the garden is starting to look orderly and bright green again!

So, here's what I have for you today. A friend sent a link to a short and, to me, very intriguing article on adrenal fatigue. Basically, it says that our adrenal system--the system that gives us energy--is our barometer for the degree of true satisfaction in our lives.

You know those times in life when it's just hard to get out of bed in the morning? When you lay there and mentally review what you're about to go do, and you just dread it? And feel exhausted at the thought? Well, according to Charles Eisenstein, that's our body saying, "HEY! YOU DON'T LOVE THE LIFE YOU'VE CREATED! IT'S NOT SERVING YOUR HIGHEST NEEDS AND DESIRES! SO I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU THE ENERGY TO GO DO THAT YUCKY STUFF!"

And typically, we respond by forcing ourselves out of bed, swigging down one or two or three cups of coffee to bypass our body's message, popping a few Advil or aspirin or Tums or whatever, and off we go, happily self-medicated but ultimately no happier in our lives.

Our bodies are so wise. They communicate with us ALL THE TIME. You know how sometimes your stomach clenches up? Or you get a stress headache? Or you catch yourself clenching your jaw? Or your chest tightens up? All signs and signals, my friends, that we're not honoring our highest selves somehow.

So, what's you're body telling you?