You're NOT Finished!

"Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're still alive, it isn't."

That quote is from a book called "Illusions" by Richard Bach, same guy who wrote the small, simple, and amazing "Jonathan Livingston Seagull."

I was having coffee with a friend earlier (okay, technically steamed soy milk with half a shot of sugar-free raspberry syrup--try it! yum!), and we got onto the topic of mediocrity, and how easy it is to slip into a life stupor, accepting mediocrity as something to feel lucky for. E.g., "Well, I've got a great house and an okay job and someone to come home to at night, and my job has great benefits, so yeah, I should feel lucky. Most people in the world don't even have half of all that..."

Okay, so in part I agree. We should all be conscious about what we have in life, and be grateful. AND, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY DO NOT AGREE WITH ACCEPTING MEDIOCRITY AS A TERMINAL LIFE PATH. So many of us have been raised with this guilt thing hanging over our heads, and with a scarcity mentality. ("I'd better 'get mine' in life before someone else does!" or "This is really all I deserve.") But guess what? That is SO not the way it has to be! You, being fully expressed in the world, eeking out every last drop of who you are, is what the world craves from you!

I, and the world, much, much prefer an abundance mentality. Abundance thinking says, "Yes, that's possible, AND...!" instead of, "Well, that would be nice, but..." Julia Cameron does a great job of busting open self-limiting beliefs about scarcity vs. abundance in her book "The Artist's Way." In it, she basically says, "Why would God [meaning "good orderly direction" for anyone not into the big "G"] want you to have anything less than abundance in your life? Why would God make up rules that say work can't be fun and creative and fulfilling? Who says the two have to be mutually exclusive?"

But at some point, so many of us find our way into a spot where we may feel overwhelmed by obligation, either to family or friends or even a company we've been with a while. We get caught up in a wave we happened to catch at one point, and over the years, we start saying "yes" to what everyone else thinks we should do and be, and we loose track of the things that fill us with so much joy it feels like we almost can't stand it. Do you remember that feeling? That feeling of joy? Lightness? Almost-bursting happiness?

It must be quote night tonight because I'm going to round out this entry with Marianne Williamson's famous quote, used by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

C'mon. According to Richard Bach, you're still alive, so your mission's not finished. It's time to shift into abundance mode...after all, everything is waiting!

Being Here Now

How are you? Right now, this very, very minute?

Stop. Take just a moment.

Take in a deep breath.

What's here now?

What do you do with what you notice? Do you "vote" about what comes up? (e.g., happy = good! angry = baaad)

Part of my job as a life coach is to help people gain more conscious access to their whole selves. From a very young age, like, right out of the chute, many of us were taught that some emotions are good, and some aren't so good. When we're sad, people who care about us try to make us happy. When we're mad as kids, sometimes we're scolded for it, or even punished. And some of that is instinctual parenting stuff!

But as we grow into adulthood, we haven't been taught to recalibrate. To know that we can have access to our full range of emotions and just experience them, without attaching stories or meaning to them. Just simply feel them, let them be, and then do with them what we will. Usually they sort of just morph into the next thing, and then the next thing, and the next thing.

Instead, we're taught to always look forward. Set goals! Achieve them! Want more! More! More!

So does some of this sound abstract? Well, just give it a go.

Stop. Take just a moment.

Take in a deep breath.

What's here now?

And now?

And now?

And what's underneath that first thing?

What else is here?

Let it all in. See what happens!

Earn your M.S.U.!

Betcha didn't know that you were reading the blog of a bonafide Master of M.S.U., didja? Well, you might want to slow down and savor each...and...every...word...because it's true! I, Laura C. Neff, have been officially confered the esteemed degree of "Master of Making Stuff Up."

What? Why the funny face?! Oh, you'd like an explanation...

I spent the bulk of last week in a redwood forest north of San Francisco with a phenomenal and growing company called "The Next Level" (www.tnextlevel.org) learning how to facilitate experiential learning scenarios, whether they're 35 feet up in the air on a high ropes course, just a few feet in the air on a low ropes element, or on the good old terra firma itself. So where does the "M.S.U." part come in? Ah, grasshoppah, good question. Read on.

Experiential learning is, as its name so aptly suggests, a way to take in something new using the wisdom of your whole being. Typically, we (and I include myself here) go into a "training" with our bodies basically functioning as transportation for our brains. We sit and listen, often for hours at a time, counting on our brains to do 99.9% of the job of hearing, processing, corellating, synthesizing, and later, remembering.

How many of you have had such training, gotten all excited about it, and just a few weeks later, forgotten most of it? Or been frustrated that it "didn't stick," or that it all just seemed to fade away? (I'm envisioning lots of raised hands here!)

And now envision this: you spend that same amount of time in a setting that a) teachs you new skills, b) mirrors back to you the ways in which your habitual, often unconscious behaviors might be helping or hurting what you really want, c) helps you really envision what you truly, deeply want. And it all happens through exercises in which you're moving and in which you can't possibly succeed without the full and conscious cooperation of your brain and your body.

Here's the beautiful part about that last bit: what your brain doesn't know, your body does.

I'll say it again: what your brain doesn't know, your body does.

A personal example: So I'm bee-bopping through my day at The Next Level's high ropes course, sure that the elements will be as easy as pie for this former child-tree-climbing-star. I hop up when they need someone to go first, smugly feeling sorry for my counterparts who are all clearly terrified. I get my safety harness double checked, jiggle my helmet to make sure it's secure, and get confirmation that my belay team (the folks holding the other end of the rope I'm attached to) is ready. And up I go! Up, up, up! Scampering up the tree, happy, happy. I clambor onto the platform that's holding the eight-foot plank I need to walk and leap off of, quite pleased with my rapid ascent up the redwood.

And then I freeze.

And then I can't breathe.

And I can't, for the life of me, let go of, much less step away from, the tree I'm clinging to.

Words of encouragement start being hurled up at me from down below. Lots of voices, lots of words, and all I know is that I can't move or breathe. Somehow, though, a few words filter through the roaring going on between my ears.

"Laura, what do you really want?"
"I want to walk to the end of this plank and leap off!"

"What do you need?"
"An elevator!"

"You have about a minute left."
"Okay, but I can't figure out how to get out to the end."

"Just take one step. See what happens."
"What if that doesn't do it?"

"Then just make something else up!"

So I did. I took a step, even though my knees were knocking. I started saying a little mantra to myself, and then I took another step. Before I knew it, I was at the end, and although I hardly leapt with grace, I did it!

The point here is, there was no way that my brain alone was going to give me what I needed in order to be successful. And there was no way, ahead of time, that my brain could plan what would happen when I got up there. And there was no way the huge awakening I had in those moments would have been so deeply ingrained if I had read about the whole experience. (That learning, btw, was, "Woah! All my life I've seen fear as a bad thing, and if my legs were shaking, it was surely a sign to go another direction. Now I see that if I'm really pushing myself, fear will be along for the ride, and that I can tremble and take a step anyway!")

And how is it for you?

What's something you're wrestling with? A problem that your brain can't resolve no matter how it tries?

Get up.

GET UP.

Get your sneakers on and start moving. Let go of everything you know about what you're trying to figure out, and start moving. And then listen. And if that doesn't work, just make something up. The point is, move. Get an access point into the wisdom of your brain/body combination. See what comes. I can almost 100% guarantee that something will. And you'll be on your way to earning an M.S.U., too!

The Strength of Your Own Vulnerability

It's 6:30 a.m. here in Bodega Bay, California. The sun's just starting its daily job of illuminating the world as this big round tilt-a-whirl turns us toward warmth and light once again. Hooray for the sun! It's cold at night here (low 30s), and the mid-day heat is very welcome.

Today's the third day of a four-day training, held in a redwood forest, on how to effectively facilitate experiential learning (hands-on) games/exercises/elements, including low- and high-ropes courses. I expected to spend hours trying to understand the safety mechanics of pulleys and knots and belay devices, which we will get to, but we're mostly learning the heart of this work, about creating the space for real learning and exploration and risk taking to emerge. To help individuals and groups synthesize what they experience and transfer that learning into "real life" situations back at work/home/etc. There are 16 of us here. Many are from California, but we're also from North Carolina, Minnesota, Iowa, and even France! Tom Courry, owner of The Next Level, is hoping to expand his business internationally in the next year, and we're all hoping to find ways to help him do that.

One thing that someone said on the first day has really struck and stuck with me, and it's the idea of discovering "the strength in your own vulnerability." At first, it's a brain-bender. The perspective that a lot of us carry around goes something like this, "Hang on, the strength in my own vulnerability? But being vulnerable means I'm weak and open to being hurt and like I'm prey just waiting for something or someone to pounce! Yuck! No way!" And it's an understandable perspective, especially if I've been hurt before. And, holding that perspective keeps me closed off, not in true relationship, not trusting, needing to control my environment, and in an exhausting state of constant vigilance. Mostly, I'm not in relationship with myself because I'm always "out there," on the lookout for what might be coming that could hurt. It can be a pretty tiring and lonely state, actually.

I could write chapters on this topic, but instead, I'll leave you with a few questions, and feel free to comment on this posting with your thoughts or email me at laura@moreinyou.com. Here they are:

What might it mean to let yourself fall into the strength of your vulnerability?
What would need to happen to make room for that?
What might the gifts of it be?
How might it manifest?

Have fun!

THE KEY to New Year's Goals & Resolutions

Guess what everybody? Great news! I'VE GOT THE KEY to those pesky dropped New Year's resolutions! I've got the answer to the problem of unmet New Year's goals! It's here! It's now! It's powerful!

Are you ready? Can you stand the suspense? Here it is...

Don't make 'em.

That's right. You heard me. I am a life coach, and I am telling you, don't make 'em. Don't make resolutions. Don't make goals. Instead? Make intentions.

"What the heck is an intention?" The wheels of your inquisitive mind are already spinning, I can tell. "How are they really any different than resolutions or goals? Isn't this just a play on words?"

Let me promise you, as a former corporate communications mistress-of-spin, no, it's not just a play on words, and yes, it is different! Here's the difference, according to our good friends at www.websters.com:

Goal: "the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end."

Resolution: "the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc."

Intention: "purpose or attitude toward the effect of one's actions or conduct"

Goals are all about aims and ends. What's the target? What will you do/by when/how's it going to be measured? Resolutions are goals but with an added focus on the course of action. What'll happen, and how will it get done? Intentions, however, start at a deeper place. There's purpose involved, and perspective. Intentions ask, what's the deep need in you that's calling out to be met? And, how will you show up for the process of meeting that need?

Here's an example. Like bajillions of other well-meaning people, I want to exercise more, and I've resolved to do that about a bajillion times, at New Year's and other times of the year, too. So a goal might be, "by this time next year, I'll be healthy, fit, and will and have lower cholesterol from exercising." Ta da! Easy to say, but there's not much meat on those bones. A resolution about it might be, "I will exercise four times each week so I can be healthy, fit and have lower cholesterol." That's better, "how" focused, and perhaps admirable, but still, so, so easy to say, so, so hard to stick to.

So what if I turned instead toward my intentions? Starting with purpose, looking at both how I want to be on the way to doing what I want to do? Here's how that looks different:

"My life purpose drives me to want to be around for the long haul. I've got so much to do here, and my perspective is that 'to do all I want to do, my vehicle (a.k.a. my physical body) has to be in top performing mode for many years to come!' For that to be effortless and easy, I step into this year as Laura the Woman (vs. the little girl...I'm the youngest of seven and it's easy to unconsciously slip into 'little girl' mode). Standing in this place, as an adult, I take full responsibility for my health and for infusing my life with fun and vibrancy. The foods I choose are colorful, fresh, and healthy. I regularly prepare my and my family's meals with attentiveness and love, and I seek out exhilarating, physically challenging ways to exercise 4-5 times every week. I walk my own talk about health and fulfillment, and glow from the inside and the outside as a result!"

Dang! Now that's something I can get behind!

Seriously, though, do you feel the pull that intentions can create when they're grounded in purpose, even values, the things that are ultimately driving you in your life? Even if you don't know exactly what your exact purpose or values might be, what keeps you fighting for your life? What's the deeper, more resonant reason for doing anything good for yourself? What's the larger reason for you in this world? Start there. (And if that's a stumper, watch "It's a Wonderful Life" for inspiration!)

And how do you choose to show up for all of that? Notice above that I'm very "intentional" about the person I'm being when I'm in this space of health and wellness. Showing up unconsciously, as my little girl self, might mean that I approach my health in a more silly, playful way. Not always a problem in and of itself--in fact, it might offer some great stuff--but I know that, for me, it also means that I can skip out on my responsibilities without being aware of the consequence. Not the best stance to take when setting a serious intention!

So I hope this is helpful as you look toward the next year. It's about looking at the whole tamale: the deep, driving force, the "who you're being," and finally, the "what you'll do."

One thing I know for sure: in our culture, it's next to impossible to not get to the "doing"...the goals, the aims and ends, so don't worry about not finding actions to fill your days. They're a given. What gets short shrift, though, is the "being" on the way to the "doing," and focusing there first. When you do, suddenly all the items on your to-do lists come from a much more grounded, meaningful place and you can't imagine not checking them off! And, as a result, they'll stay on your active "to-do" for good.

Happy New Year, 2007!

And welcome to my blog!

In honor of the new year, I decided to add something juicy to my website. Yes, dear reader, because of this blog you get to read my thoughts on life and life coaching! Hooray! Haha!

So what's up for me this morning, perhaps not surprisingly, is the year just passed and the year to come. Today we all stand on a tiny precipice between the two, looking back at how far we've come since last we stood here, and how far we might have to go in the coming days, weeks, months.

Where were you last year at this time?
What's happened since?
On your "life progress-ometer," how're ya feelin'?

Last year at this time, I was probably hitting the "submit" button on www.expedia.com to confirm flight plans for a 9+ week trip to Thailand and Cambodia that I took in February and March. It all happened pretty fast...2005 had been a tough year emotionally but a great year financially, and I needed to get a way for a while, forget my troubles for a while, focus on someone else for a while. So, like any normal person, I decided to go to the other side of the planet! For an incredible six weeks, I volunteered at the Wildlife Friends of Thailand (via the Global Volunteer Network) and then my partner, Robert, flew over and we traveled all through Thailand and into Cambodia for the next 3+ weeks. When we got back to the U.S., the puzzle pieces of my 'til-then-elusive vocation magically, finally fell into place. Life coaching found me, I found it, and the ride since has been expansive, engaging, beyond surprising, and so much more than I could have imagined.

You might be thinking, "Oh yeah, right! It's all well and good for her, but I could never do anything like that!" Well, that's just not true. Because I know there's also a little voice, hiding behind that one, whispering, "Although, wow, can you imagine? Wouldn't it be amazing to do something crazy?!"

And although all that might sound crazy, I am now living proof that sometimes radical action is just what the doctor ordered. And it's possible...just like any dream in life. All it takes is: an individual + the courage & willingness to choose differently + action toward the choice. It's deceptively simple and can lead to life just opening right up, creating space for whatever wants to come next. For me, it was life coaching. Who knew? (Well, lots of my friends, but I was the last to see it.) What is it for you? What's dying to be created in your life? What's the choice that's hovering out there, just beyond your reach, that's calling to you, begging you to push through your fears and embrace it?

It's a perfect, perfect time of year to sit down with a stiff drink or a strong coffee and do an inventory of life, to ask ourselves the tough questions. In his amazing little book, A Year to Live, Stephen Levine asks, "If you only had a year to live, what would you do?" He continues, "When we ask ourselves this question, myriad possiblities arise...The question reminds us of how much we have forgotten. A part of us begins to panic at the thought that it hasn't had quite enough time to leave something valid behind. There have been so few moments when life was all it was cracked up to be. So much that might have been different had the heart not been obstructed by fear. As we begin to see where we have been absent from life, increasing possibilities audition for our approval. The heart suggests that we become more present, that we sharpen our focus."

What would this year be like if you became more present? If you sharpened your focus? If your heart was unobstructed by fear?

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to grab my journal, get that cuppa java, and start exploring all of these questions for myself. I hope you do, too, and that 2007 is a fantastic, breakout, exciting, blow-your-own-mind year for you!