"I don't know"...or do you?

I was interviewed yesterday by someone who's writing a book about the phrase, "I don't know." Yup, that's right...it's a book about not knowing, kinda like Seinfeld was a sitcom about nothing! The researcher/writer is an long-time, dear, totally badass friend, and her questions really made me dig deep into this territory of "not knowing."

I've personally had a love-hate relationship with not knowing for lots of years now. It's been an either-or, light or dark kind of thing. I've got deeply ingrained scripts that say stuff like, "if you don't know, then you're just stupid!" They talk all about how to know = to be valued, and if I'm not valued, I'll end up penniless and all alone, a bag lady pushing a grocery cart full of grimey clothes and a few survival-related possessions down Trade Street in Charlotte.

Now really, is that going to happen?

Hardly!

As a coach, here's what I'm learning from my fabulous clients about not knowing...

We DO know! And, there's a really blissed out, beautiful place of not knowing inside all of us, too. And, knowing and not knowing can really do an amazing dance together!

So are ya totally confused yet? Let me explain:

What we DO know: Every single one of us has what can be referred to as "gut feel," "intuition," "deep knowing," "internal radar," etc. It goes by lots of names, but each one points to our own, unique, individual, just-what's-true-for-me North on our inner compass. In our insanely fast-paced culture, we're not terribly used to slowing down enough to hear or notice what it's saying, much less then listen to what it's saying, much less trust what it's saying, much less act on what it's saying. That's the bravest place of all...hearing, listening, trusting, and then...and then...ACTING on what our deepest self knows and wants and is pointing us toward. It's the choice that sometimes seems crazy, and gets written off as "not practical" or "ridiculous." And it's always where the marrow of life resides for us, just waiting. So yep, you've got it. I've got it. Your mom has it, and your best friend, and the cashier at the grocery store you interacted with last night. As long as we have our faculties around us, and our survival needs are met, we have access to that deep knowing. And much of our angst and suffering comes from ignoring it.

One of my clients simply had to start hearing her kneejerk "I don't know" answer to most of my questions to realize how disempowering and subtle its hold was over her. That phrase alone, in its sneaky way, was muffling her ability to really tap into her inner wisdom about life, choices, direction, desire. She's on the path now, though!

What we DON'T know: And oh, the flip side of the coin! Not knowing. Adventurous not knowing...Trusting not knowing...Faith-filled not knowing...all sorts of not knowing. Lots of the Eastern religions practice non-attachment, e.g., taking action out of a deep-knowing urge, but not manipulating or being dependent on the outcome, and, in fact, completely releasing the outcome. And often we Westerners turn to our "faith in God" and "his plan" when we look ahead and just can't tell what's coming next. Sometimes we listen to our guts and leave a job or relationship, and it leaves a big, uncomfortable, sometimes scary gap. What's going to fill it? "I don't know!" Our kneejerk reaction is to vote that "I don't know" is a bad place to be, so quick quick, fill that space with another job! Any job! Just get a job! Or just find someone! Anyone! But what if, instead, we allowed ourselves to sit quietly in that space? See what's there? Become friends with it? Invite it in, and even, maybe, invite it to expand a little?

So how do these two mix? Here's one way that I see. As stated before, I believe we all have a strong internal compass. And I know we are all capable of acting on it, "following our bliss," as Joseph Campbell would urge. So, we can take the next right step. What will come after that? We don't know! And isn't that great? Because we can trust that when we get there, we can slow down, check in, and follow our instincts to the next right step after that, and the next right step after that...

What if, at the end, you could look back over life and see that you got to where you were because of countless "next right steps"? Life would be a "known adventure," all along the way!

So, dear reader...

What do you know about your life today? Your job? That relationship? Your health? Etc.?

What's the next right thing?

Are you brave enough to listen?

To hear?

To trust?

And to ACT?

I know you are!

And what's next? Who knows! And that's the best adventure of all.