Ahhhh...the flip side at last!

Don'tcha just love it when the Universe conspires with your highest self, even if your here-and-now self goes along with all of it kicking and screaming?

Yesterday, I sat for my final, big, much-anticipated, nerve sizzling oral exam for my coaching certification process, basically what I've been working toward for a year and a half. I'd love to be sitting here telling you that I was a calm, cool, collected cucumber in the days beforehand. I'd LOVE to tell you that, on Tuesday, for example, I called my coach and said, "Ya know Marla, I just really don't have anything I need to be coached on today. I've got life tied up in a tidy little bow and I'm ready to take my exam just about any time now!" Sigh. I wish!

So Tuesday I was coming completely unglued. Yeah, I know. Not such a proud moment for the coach extraordinaire! She who expounds all things calm and rational when we get back in touch with our center! Well, my center had gone for a hike. A long hike. And thank god for Marla!

As you may know, a coach's #1 job is to ask questions. It's just not in our job descriptions to tell you what to do, or when, or with whom, or why. We believe that you have your own answers and that you're a capable, rockin' human being who just needs a partner to ask some new questions to help you look into corners of yourself that you'd forgotten, or maybe even never visted before.

And doing the exact opposite is how Marla got my uncoachable butt to snap to! For the first time ever, she told me straight up what she wanted for me. Postpone your clients between now and your exam, she advised. CANCEL your remaining practice coaching sessions, she urged. Practice EXTREME self care NOW, she said. After grumbling around for a few minutes, making up excuses as to why I couldn't do any of that and really needed to keep myself in this twist of existential angst, I decided that after eight months of working together, maybe I oughta trust her. So I did, and it was amazing!

And here's where the Universe danced in: our computer crashed that very afternoon. For more than 48 hours we were completely "unplugged" here at the Neff/Hildreth household, which, to us, is like not having water or air in our house. And, it turned out to be PERFECT, and exactly what I needed! Instead of obsessing about the unknown test ahead of me, Robert and I walked. Instead of calling all my coaching buddies and commiserating in my nervousness with them, we talked about anything BUT my exam. We cooked. We ate. And yes, at first it was a little weird not to have instant access to all the inane bits of information we look up all the time, but it got me and us back to ourselves, back to the earth, back to what matters.

And Thursday? For my exam? I was ready, and I rocked. :-)

So watch for news in a few weeks that I've gotten the "official" word and can now proudly call myself a "Certified Professional Co-Active Coach."

And watch for your own Universal winks. How is something bigger conspiring with YOUR higher self when you're not looking?

Whammo

Howdy, friends.

It's Monday. It still feels like summer. And I feel like I've been hit by the tractor trailer o' life.

My family found out recently that my 44 year old sister-in-law of 24+ years has cancer. Not a nice cancer. Not a cancer that can be cured.

Sometimes we bee-bop through life, and whammo, the Universe sends a right hook.

Thankfully, thankfully, that news came the same week I finally checked out Kris Carr's website. In 2003, Kris was diagnosed with incurable cancer at the age of 31, and she is going SO strong! She took her healing and remission into her own hands, and she is proving to the world just how powerful our minds and hearts and bodies really are. She is an inspiration.

Another website you need to hang out on and bookmark is Sera Beak's homepage. If you are a spiritual seeker and haven't yet stumbled across The Red Book, you're missing out!

So, as you can see, this is where I turn in times of whammo. I turn to the people I know who are complete badasses...people who are the powerful creators of their own lives. People whose orientations are set to "Creator" vs. "Victim," even when they, too, get smacked upside the proverbial head. Choosing which set of glasses to put on...the wild, sparkley, crazy-shaped ones labeled "Creator" or the thick, black, impossible-to-see-through-anyway ones labeled "Victim"...makes ALL ALL ALL the difference.

What does it mean for you to be the powerful creator of your own life?

Peace to you, my dear reader.

Transformation

We're moved! Oh boy, are we moved. What a process. I had beaucoups opportunity to practice patience, full presence, openness, and as our friend Susan Jeffers advises in her book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, "Just nod your head and say 'yes!' to life!" :-)

And one of the greatest things about living where we have a little space to breathe, a little land, is that we get to experience all sorts of cool natural things we wouldn't have noticed before. The most magical so far has been the hatching of two monarch butterflies...could there be a more quintessential metaphor?

We all know the story. The silly-looking green caterpillar chomps on everything in sight. Then somehow, it turns itself into a fairytale-looking cocoon, complete with gold trimmings! (Monarch catarpillars have great style!) After a few weeks, during which time secret and transformative things are happening within, it suddenly displays brilliant black and orange through its shell, and the next day, voila! Out flops a cumbersome monarch butterfly...fat bellied and small-winged. But oh, give it a few hours, and it transforms again into a gorgeous, brand-spankin' new adult butterfly, ready to take flight for Mexico, Florida or Texas. (Hey, after all that work, you'd want a vacation, too!)

So here we are, having witnessed this amazing feat...the transformation of a living thing from one state into a total other external state. But it's still the same thing, you know? That caterpillar had the butterfly fixin's inside of it all the time. It took work and time and lots of energy and rest, but holy butterflies, Batman! Look at the result! It can fly!

Where are you in this process, my friend? There are seeds of brilliant wings inside of you, right now, in this very moment. What's one way that you can reflect some of that brilliance on the outside? Find a place to start. Begin your transformation. And in just a few weeks' time, I'll see you on the updraft of the next breeze!

Tellin' it like it is...

Hello!

One thing I've learned in the past year or two is the power of asking for/stating what I want. And right now, I want and need rest! This has been an extremely busy year, and at the moment we're still in the midst of packing up the old house, fixing up the new house, and there are still a few weeks of limbo in front of us as we slowly transition to our new space. As such, I'll officially be taking a break from the blog for a few weeks, and I'll *really* be "back in action" in mid-September!

I'll leave you with one thing for now...just a tidbit to chew on:

What is it to "be what you seek"?

TTFN!

Back In Action!

(Note: yet again, blogspot seems to have short-circuited when it comes to paragraph spacing. I apologize for the big block of black text that is today's entry! Arg!)

August is proving to be a challenging, full-spectrum-of-experience month for me. Do you ever have those weeks or months when it seems like so much happens all at once?

I could give you the litany...the laundry list of stuff like long-distance friends visiting, step-father passing away, babies being born, mortgage almost not going through at the 11th hour, etc. etc. etc. But we all have our laundry lists, don't we? And the question is, how do we hold up amidst all the chaos? What is it to remain still, deeply breathing, and at choice within all the noise?

Bliss, I'm guessing, though I've only experienced moments of it! We're all human beans on this crazy ride, trying to figure it out and learn as we go, sharing our gleanings when we can.

Thankfully, my partner Robert seems to be able to "stand in the centre of the fire...and not shrink back" when I'm practically a raving, stress-riddled blob on the floor. And I do the same for him. Sometimes, when he's not here, one of my cats will step up and remind me that it IS possible to have some perspective in the middle of the wildness. "Hey," they seem to say, as they balefully stare, "this moment's just this moment. That's all. Sure, there's a lot of stuff going on right now, but we'll get through it. And no matter what, you'll still get up and feed me in the morning. And you can still scratch my chin right now. There's constancy here, you just need to remember it, and get yourself out of your crazy brain by DOING something! Like scratching me!"

So, speaking of all this and of learning and sharing and growing, one of the things I've just been DOING (thank you, kitty!) is building and posting my new "More In You" storefront, where you can peruse all the groovy partial/whole day workshops and full weekend retreats I have in the offing. They're all designed to help you deepen your insight and awareness of yourself, your habits, your life, and your choices. And you can very easily and securely pay for any and all of the offerings you want to register for right through the site. So check it out!

And remember to breeeeathe...

"I don't know"...or do you?

I was interviewed yesterday by someone who's writing a book about the phrase, "I don't know." Yup, that's right...it's a book about not knowing, kinda like Seinfeld was a sitcom about nothing! The researcher/writer is an long-time, dear, totally badass friend, and her questions really made me dig deep into this territory of "not knowing."

I've personally had a love-hate relationship with not knowing for lots of years now. It's been an either-or, light or dark kind of thing. I've got deeply ingrained scripts that say stuff like, "if you don't know, then you're just stupid!" They talk all about how to know = to be valued, and if I'm not valued, I'll end up penniless and all alone, a bag lady pushing a grocery cart full of grimey clothes and a few survival-related possessions down Trade Street in Charlotte.

Now really, is that going to happen?

Hardly!

As a coach, here's what I'm learning from my fabulous clients about not knowing...

We DO know! And, there's a really blissed out, beautiful place of not knowing inside all of us, too. And, knowing and not knowing can really do an amazing dance together!

So are ya totally confused yet? Let me explain:

What we DO know: Every single one of us has what can be referred to as "gut feel," "intuition," "deep knowing," "internal radar," etc. It goes by lots of names, but each one points to our own, unique, individual, just-what's-true-for-me North on our inner compass. In our insanely fast-paced culture, we're not terribly used to slowing down enough to hear or notice what it's saying, much less then listen to what it's saying, much less trust what it's saying, much less act on what it's saying. That's the bravest place of all...hearing, listening, trusting, and then...and then...ACTING on what our deepest self knows and wants and is pointing us toward. It's the choice that sometimes seems crazy, and gets written off as "not practical" or "ridiculous." And it's always where the marrow of life resides for us, just waiting. So yep, you've got it. I've got it. Your mom has it, and your best friend, and the cashier at the grocery store you interacted with last night. As long as we have our faculties around us, and our survival needs are met, we have access to that deep knowing. And much of our angst and suffering comes from ignoring it.

One of my clients simply had to start hearing her kneejerk "I don't know" answer to most of my questions to realize how disempowering and subtle its hold was over her. That phrase alone, in its sneaky way, was muffling her ability to really tap into her inner wisdom about life, choices, direction, desire. She's on the path now, though!

What we DON'T know: And oh, the flip side of the coin! Not knowing. Adventurous not knowing...Trusting not knowing...Faith-filled not knowing...all sorts of not knowing. Lots of the Eastern religions practice non-attachment, e.g., taking action out of a deep-knowing urge, but not manipulating or being dependent on the outcome, and, in fact, completely releasing the outcome. And often we Westerners turn to our "faith in God" and "his plan" when we look ahead and just can't tell what's coming next. Sometimes we listen to our guts and leave a job or relationship, and it leaves a big, uncomfortable, sometimes scary gap. What's going to fill it? "I don't know!" Our kneejerk reaction is to vote that "I don't know" is a bad place to be, so quick quick, fill that space with another job! Any job! Just get a job! Or just find someone! Anyone! But what if, instead, we allowed ourselves to sit quietly in that space? See what's there? Become friends with it? Invite it in, and even, maybe, invite it to expand a little?

So how do these two mix? Here's one way that I see. As stated before, I believe we all have a strong internal compass. And I know we are all capable of acting on it, "following our bliss," as Joseph Campbell would urge. So, we can take the next right step. What will come after that? We don't know! And isn't that great? Because we can trust that when we get there, we can slow down, check in, and follow our instincts to the next right step after that, and the next right step after that...

What if, at the end, you could look back over life and see that you got to where you were because of countless "next right steps"? Life would be a "known adventure," all along the way!

So, dear reader...

What do you know about your life today? Your job? That relationship? Your health? Etc.?

What's the next right thing?

Are you brave enough to listen?

To hear?

To trust?

And to ACT?

I know you are!

And what's next? Who knows! And that's the best adventure of all.

Deeply Rooted

What would you find if you unpacked your life?

We're moving to a new house in about six weeks, and today I dipped my toe into the "purge and pack" process. It started in the attic...a place I haven't set foot in since Christmas. It's dirty up there, with lots of ancient, powdery insulation creating a fine, dark-brown dust on most of the boxes that have lived there since I moved into this house almost six years ago. It was also HOT! Well over 100 degrees. Sweat poured off of me after about ten minutes in the heat. I was physically purging sweat as I got to work, determined to sort through and purge the contents of those boxes.

I noticed that much of what was up there was stuff I hadn't looked at or thought about in years. I'm typically someone who's pretty cut and dried about things like, "if I haven't worn it in a year, it gets donated. No question!" So I expected to haul down loads of "trash." And yet, and yet...lots of what I found today is stuff I'm not willing to let go of. It's like I unearthed some of my historical DNA.

There are photos.
And voice recordings.
And files.
And journals.
Plans for my childhood home.
Books from my childhood life.
And lots more that I could list but that probably wouldn't mean much to anyone but me.

I know I'm going to have to defend my choices to my dear one, the man who will be moving a lot of those still-heavy boxes. I know I'll have to justify wanting to keep things that will likely go straight into the storage space in our new home. But the thing is, today I reconnected with my roots, with that historical DNA that shapes the outlines of who I am and that fills in lots of the colors of me. Sure, I've added lots to the outlines and colors through the years and have expanded outside the lines, even. But today I brushed up against my touchstone. The ghosts of me and so many loved ones were swirling and whispering, reminding me that though every day I walk into the world afresh, looking at life anew, wondering what's next, I am forever deeply rooted in a past that I could no more purge than I could purge my own bones.

So, dear reader, what might you find if you unpacked your life?

Try it. You might be surprise what's waiting.